What story are you telling yourself?

Have you ever realised that you tell yourself stories about who you are and what you are capable of?

Some of them sound like facts:

“I’m just an anxious person.”

“I’m not confident.”

“I’m terrible at public speaking.”

“I’m not good with people.”

These are often identities that you’ve simply accepted over the years.

For a long time, one of mine was: “I can't dance.”

Now, to be fair, I have always loved dancing. When I’m alone in my kitchen and my favourite songs come on, I will happily dance around without a care in the world. Strictly Come Dancing is one of my TV favourites and my son is an insanely good dancer. Dancing is part of my life in many, many ways,

But somewhere along the way I had firmly decided that while I was someone who enjoyed dancing ... I wasn’t actually any good at it. And I definitely wasn't going to be dancing in public and therefore would not be embarrassing myself!

That tiny sentence, "I can't dance," became the story I repeated. And like most stories we repeat to ourselves, it started to feel true.

The stories we tell become our identity

Our brains are incredibly good at reinforcing the identities we give ourselves.

When we say “That’s just not me”, our mind quietly looks for evidence to support it.

If you believe you’re “not sporty” you might avoid exercise classes.

If you believe you’re “not confident” you might avoid speaking up.

If you believe you’re “not creative” you might never pick up a paintbrush or write a story.

The story quietly shapes the behaviour ... and the behaviour then reinforces the story.

What happens when you rewrite the story?

Recently, I decided to experiment with my own little identity story.

Instead of repeating “I can't dance”, I started asking myself a different question:

“If I could dance, how would I think and behave?”

A dancer probably wouldn’t just dance in the kitchen.

A dancer might go to a class.

A dancer might practise.

A dancer might laugh at mistakes and keep moving.

So, after roping some friends in to disguise my lack of confidence, I signed up for a regular dance exercise class.

At first it was hard. I felt self-conscious. Following the choreography did not comes easily. I did not look like a dancer in the mirrors of the studio. And I was really unift!

But I started to imagine myself improving. I pictured my body moving more easily and confidently.

And slowly, something interesting began to happen.

I did start to improve.

My confidence grew.

My body became stronger and fitter from the exercise.

Most importantly, I was having fun.

And my old identity statement quietly started to dissolve.

Maybe I am a dancer after all. I just never gave myself a chance to find out.

Identity change is powerful

When people try to change habits, they tend to focus purely on behaviour. But real, lasting change often happens at a deeper level - identity.

Instead of forcing behaviours that feel unnatural, we should begin by gently shifting how we see ourselves.

So instead of saying, “I’m trying to exercise more.”

Say instead, “I’m someone who takes care of my body.”

Instead of saying, “I can't sleep at night."

Say instead, “I rest my body in bed and that is enough."

When the identity shifts, the behaviour begins to follow naturally.

Your Imagination Superpower

Your mind responds strongly to imagination and inner experience. When you begin to visualise a new way of thinking, behaving and feeling, your brain starts to build new pathways. Instead of rehearsing the old story again and again, you start rehearsing a new one.

And over time, that new story can become your reality. This is where hypnptherapy can be really helpful!

What Story Are You Telling Yourself?

Many of the people I work with come to hypnotherapy with identity statements that are deeply ingrained. But those stories were learned over time, and anything that has been learned ... can also be changed.

Sometimes all it takes is a willingness to question the narrative. To ask a new question. To imagine a new possibility.

Just like I did with dancing.

Because when you change the story you tell yourself, you don’t just change a habit. You change who you are. And that’s where real transformation begins.

What story are you telling yourself? And what happens if you rewrite the story?